daddy's girl

That's what the front of Jennifer's shirt says. She looks like a little angel. There are a couple of her favorite stuffed animals in her coffin with her. I guess she slept with them every night, so they will be there for her now.

Tonight was the viewing and her Rosary. By the time I got over to the mortuary after Mass, the viewing was over, so they could bring her over to the church. Her coffin was open for the Rosary though. I wanted to be a big baby and not go up after the Rosary. I wanted to go hide in a corner stamping my feet, but I put on my big girl panties and went up. She looked so sweet.
Daddy's Girl.

Her daddy is a strong man. I don't know how he is functioning, really I don't. I guess it is his faith that keeps him going. He spent time comforting everyone else there. I stood and talked to him, along with Sherry, Heidi and Max. He told us about Ana....how she is. He told us that he HAS to get Ana declared insane, or else she may spend the rest of her life in prison. He told us he knows (as all her friends know) that she couldn't have done this. A mother does not kill her beloved daughter. Something snapped.

Are we all this close to losing control? What could have caused it? Did she lose her faith for a brief moment? The faith that the world is NOT a bad place, the faith that there is Something greater than all of us. Why didn't she ask for help? Did she even know her world was spinning out of control? There are so many questions...questions that may never be answered.

As one of my friends said tonight...I don't get it.

Tommorow is the funeral. It is going to be hard :*(