For Denine:)

We Three Things

Three Names You Go By:
Shelly
Shell
Mom

Three Screennames You Have:
Raingirl
Shellbell
Shellybean

Three Things You Like About Yourself:
I like that I am loyal
My eyes
that I am sensitive to others

Three Things You Hate/Dislike About Yourself:
My teeth
that I cry too easily sometimes
I blush very easily

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
English
Irish
Scots

Three Things That Scare you:
Mice
GWB
Guns

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
coffee
something to read
hugs from my son

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
jeans
blue sweater
slippers

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Artists At The Moment
The Beatles :)
Dave Matthews Band
Green Day

Three Of Your Favorite Songs At Present:

In My Life (the Beatles)
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) ( Green Day)
Silent Night (hey, its Christmas)

Three Things You Want To Try in The Next 12 Months:
Go to Vancouver, Canada
excercise more
declutter my house

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given):

Compassion
Honesty
sense of Humor

Two Truths and a Lie:

I was an honor roll student
I got married at 19
I am a blonde

Three Physical Things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeals to you:
Smile
Eyes
Arms

Three things you just can't do:
ski
play the guitar
knit (but I'm trying)

Three of Your favorite hobbies:
travelling
reading
shopping;)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
See my granddaughter
organize my house
get over this cold:/

Three careers you're considering:
teaching
can't think of 3;-)

Three places you want to go on vacation
England
Australia
Italy

Three kids names:
Matthew
Kathleen
Anthony

Three things you want to do before you die:

Travel the whole US
travel the world
See world peace

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die a slow orgasmic death:
Jen
Krista
Kimmer

We went down to Sue's today to exchange gifts, and I found out more about Geoff. She got the same email as I did, and she called him. Apparently, he has been drinking heavily and drugging heavily since Josh (his oldest son) has been in Iraq.....so it has been quite a while:/

He hasn't been making the house payments.....it is all going to alcohol/drugs. (Now....his wife works.....why didn't she see that those things were taken care of?) Anyway, apparently she just couldn't stand it anymore, and that is why she left. When she left, she left him $1,500 to help him get by. WHAT did he do with that money????? Buy drugs. BUY DRUGS.

He definitely needs help.....more than I can give him. I am looking for some agencies that can help, and I will give him some numbers. Right now, that is all I can do. I can't subject my family to him.....it wouldn't be fair to them. I don't want him around Joseph. Sad, but true:(

And Just What Am I Supposed To Do???

Brother Geoff emailed me today. ***A little background*** Geoff is a fuck up. A royal fuck up. He is 46 years old and has never had a *real* job. He has always done handyman type stuff, because he doesn't want to get drug tested. He is a loser, a drunk and a pot head. He has always blamed everyone else for his problems. Nothing is ever his fault. He's been that way as long as I can remember. I really don't have anything to do with him. We have nothing in common except for the fact that we had the same parents. I haven't seen him in probably 4 years or so....and have heard from him twice in that time.....one time being today.

Anyway........he emails me today. His wife left him and took their youngest son with her (he's about 15) He is devastated. He tells me he is going to lose his house, he'll be homeless and he's all alone with no one to talk to. (He has always been overly dramatic as well.....I don't know how much, if any of that is true ) He said he's never been alone. All his friends are users (drugs/alcohol). He wants to 'be a family again'. What he wants is someone to take care of him....to bail him out of his troubles. I CAN'T. I just can't. He can't come here, if that's what he is looking for.

Aaaarrggghhhh.

I don't know what to do. I haven't replied to him.....I don't even know what to say:(

City Sidewalks, Busy Sidewalks, Dressed in Holiday Style...

In the air there's a feeling of Christmas. We went over to San Francisco yesterday for an afternoon of shopping and window shopping. It is an annual thing for us. We rode BART and went to San Francisco Centre then walked up to Union Square. I got my ornaments from Neiman Marcus. I usually only buy one, but this year I splurged and bought 2. I think it is so cool that they now have a small tag with the year on them:)

The best part of the day though was the fact that we saw Joe Montana (Hall of Fame quarterback from the SF 49ers, for those who don't know) and his wife. She is much too beautiful and thin to have had 4 kids. He still has the killer smile....and those eyes. They look like the perfect couple. FYI.......Joseph is named after him , lol. Both of my good friends named Joe think he is named after them, but no. He was named after Joe baby;-)


Today was the last CCD before Christmas. I had pizza delivered, and we had a party. I got a beautiful new mug for my coffee.....and two different kinds of candy from kids. I also got candles, and Christmas towels:) They didn't want to do any work, but I read from Luke and had them make Nativities to take home. After all, they are supposed to be learning something;)

The youth choir/musicians went to the convelescent home yesterday to sing Christmas carols for the patients. We parents who went along had to sing too. I knew I should have stayed in the car;-) Actually, it was nice. Gerry was late and Joseph was the only one there with an instrument, so he did one song on guitar as accompaniment for everyone til Gerry showed up to play piano. The kid did good.

Of course, I couldn't make it through all the songs without tearing up. Silent Night and Away In a Manger get me every time. I think the patients were appreciative for the most part. One sweet little old lady smiled and sang along with everything. They had to take one lady out though. It was so sad. She was looking at one of the boys and talking to him like he was an old boyfriend or something. Telling him he was no good, and he had been in jail and made her kill her baby:( The kid was looking nervous....as were the rest of the kids. I feel so bad for those with dementia......it makes me so sad.

The day ended on a good note though, even after all the sadness of the elderly sick people.

The boys were playing at a little Indian casino at Clear Lake, and I got to go to the show. I didn't think I would be able to, but Chris told me to go:) It was a fun night. C and I got the giggles before the show. Good think the boys couldn't hear what we were talking about. It would have shot my image all to hell;-)

:**(

An online friend of mine lost her baby. She just found out that she was pregnant.....but it was enough to want and love that tiny being.

I cried.

I could feel how sad she is.



Silly maybe, but I did. Damn hormones. I swear, menopause feels like PMS and pregnancy rolled into one. I cry at the drop of a hat, I am moody and my boobs hurt:/

Its Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas........

Around here. I got the rest of the decorations up in the living room & dining room today. Between my Santa collection and the snowglobe collection, its looking quite nice, if I say so myself......and I do;-) While I was doing that, Joseph set his Lionel train up around the big tree, then we put out the 'village' stuff. Tomorrow I finish the family room.

I am feeling mighty pleased with myself too. Sending out the Christmas cards yesterday was the earliest I have done so in years. I don't know what came over me!


Dinner tonight was perfect for a rainy night......meat loaf, garlic mashed potatoes and corn. Yum. After dinner, Chris and I ran over to Kohls. I found a couple of sweaters I loved so I had to point them out to him, then I left him to his own devices while I went and picked up a couple of more things I needed for Joseph and him. He had a bag in the back of the wagon when I got back there, so maybe he got the not so subtle hint on the sweaters, LOL.

Now there is a fire going in the fireplace, and I am fixing to get my flannel jammies on and pour myself a glass of wine. Time to relax:)

Monday......or more aptly named busy day;)

I finally got my ornament swaps mailed out. I really dislike standing on line at the post office. Especially for 30 minutes:/ *Sigh* At least they're mailed:-D

Tonight I'm doing Christmas cards. I've got family & friends done and will do the SAHP ones next. Luckily it is a small list this year, so my writer's cramp won't be too bad;)

I had grand plans to clean house today, but after the post office I had to go to Costco, Big 5 , Kohls, Wal Mart and Target, then to the grocery store. There was no time to clean house! Oh well, there is always tomorrow. I will have to get it finished early though, because Joseph and I will be working at Christmas Wish for a few hours before we go to CCD. I have a great project for the kids to do tomorrow....making Christmas message thingys to go on the fridge. They are Christmas trees with a clothes pin and magnet on the back.

I got 3 of my ornaments in the mail today (well, it could have been Saturday, because I didn't check the mail that day....) They are all beautiful:-) I love the swaps. Everyone is so talented. I wish I was. Its an easy kit for me......you know, ornaments for dummies ;-)


Hmm. PEZ opened a chat last night. I of course missed it. I will have to see when she opens the next one. I miss chatting:)

Half a century?!?!?!

Holy cow.....when I think of it in those terms.....I could get seriously depressed. But I won't. I don't feel 50. (How is 50 supposed to feel, anyway?) I don't feel any different than I did on Thursday when I was still 49. People who know me say I don't look 50. People who don't know me all that well are surprised when I tell them how old I am.....even people who know me pretty well;)

Anyway.....about my birthday.

Chris had the day off, and he and and Joseph let me sleep in on Friday.....while they ran out to pick up flowers. They brought me a big cup of coffee, 2 birthday cards, flowers ....and a strand of real pearls. Real. Wow. It may have taken me 50 years to get real pearls, but they are worth the wait. Its gorgeous they are.

We went up to Folsom to the Hacienda for a late lunch.....home of the world's best seafood chimichangas, along with the world's best margaritas;-) After lunch (and 2 margaritas....hey, I deserved them both) we went shopping. I didn't see anything I wanted. Weird, I know.


We had a room at the Vagabond Inn in Sacramento, near where the guys were playing on Friday night. When we got back to the room, I changed and they dropped me off at the theater to meet C. I chatted with the boys for a few minutes before they got ready. C and S got me a box of handmade chocolates.....which I felt I had to share;-)

The show was wonderful. About halfway through, some woman yelled out that it was her friend's birthday, so the guys wished her a happy birthday. Then J said that the band was celebrating a special birthday that night. His speech made me tear up. He said that a special, long time friend of the band was celebrating a birthday. He said, "We love her and we honor her" and he asked everyone to give me a round of applause to wish me a happy birthday....and they put the spotlight on me. Then, right before they started singing Birthday, he blew me a kiss and said I love you. *Sniff*

After the show, and after C and I had sold everything we had at the merchandise table (we had a great night of sales, lol) we went back into the showroom while the guys were breaking down the equipment. J came over to me and wrapped me in a huge bear hug, and sang very softly in my ear. It was beyond sweet. I love all those guys a lot. I am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life:-)

Gobble Gobble


The pies are finished, the turkey is in the oven, the rest of the food is prepared and ready to cook, and the table is set. Bring it on!

Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we shop;-) I will be up at the ass crack of dawn to hit the Black Friday sales.

I am thinking of how much I have to be thankful for. My health, my family, my wonderful friends, both IRL and online. I am thankful for the fact that I have a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep. I am thankful for laughter, hugs and music. AND I am thankful that GWB will not be able to run for president again;-)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving.

My mood improved yesterday evening......though I still have an ache in my heart from missing my Peanut. It won't get better until I can see her and hold her again.

The youth group kids threw a surprise birthday party for Josephine and me yesterday afternoon:)

We had our YG meeting in the small chapel, because there was a ginormous party being held in the rest of the Parish Hall, and it was too loud to do the lesson. After the lesson was over, the kids went back over to the hall with Crystal...supposedly to eat the pizza that Tony and Patty bought. When Jo and I walked back over, the lights were out in the YG room...we both wondered where the kids had gone! We walked in and flipped the lights on...and the kids had decorated the room, had a beautiful cake on the table, with flowers and gifts for both of us. Both of us teared up. It was so sweet of them.....and believe me, it was just what I needed.



41 years ago today President Kennedy was assassinated. I was in 3rd grade. I was home sick from school. My Dad didn't have to go to work til swingshift, so he was home too. I remember sitting on the sofa watching Love of Life with my mom, when Walter Cronkite came on and said the president had been shot.....and that he had died. That was the first time I saw my Dad cry. I remember how sad I felt for Caroline and John John. It is amazing how vivid those memories still are.....

I Miss My Peanut.

It has been a whole year since I have seen Kaya.....or heard from her. Her effing mother has disappeared from the planet, it seems. I have been trying to find her, but no luck. Who the fuck knows? Maybe she made good on her threat to
leave the country.

I am trying to stay busy today, but I can't stop thinking about her. I still have her Christmas gifts from last year wrapped and waiting for her......


It is a hard day.


This afternoon is youth group. Maybe being around the kids will help:*(

Ob La Di Ob La Da.......Life goes on.....

It does go on, you know. Even with an evil ass being re elected. One thing this last election has done is made me even more political. Heaven help us all now, lol. I will be fighting the good fight;-)

In other news......

Where has this week gone? I can't believe it is already Saturday night.

Only 3 weeks til my birthday. I am buying a red hat that day;)

That night, I am going to see the boys play! I am thrilled. They are playing at the Crest Theater in Sacramento.....on my actual birthday. I think I should be able to pick the whole set list;-)

We all went to Cal Expo today. Chris and Joseph went to the car show, and I went to the Country Folk Art Show. I didn't spend a fortune, either. I picked up some really cute metal Christmas decorations.....2 for outside and one for inside.....and got some ideas for some other decorations to make myself:) I did get some darling jewelry......and for cheap, too. I got a Christmas bracelet, along with a couple of other beaded bracelets and 2 vintage looking brooches. All in all it was a good day. After the shows, Chris dropped me off at the mall while he and Joseph went to Guitar Center. He picked up another guitar stand for Boo, and a new guitar strap. I bought nothing at the mall....but had fun looking, lol.

Tomorrow morning is donut sales again....along with crucifixes, crosses and other stuff. We're still trying to raise more money for the L.A. trip in February....wouldn't want Father to have to give us too much:/


Chris is taking Monday off....he hasn't had a day off in 3 weeks. We're heading up to Sonora for the night after donut sales. He really wants to get away.

The forums have calmed a bit today......although I came thisclose to putting one particular person on ignore. I added a new tagline to my forum sig because of her. Minds work better when open. I could have added ***and not so damned self righteous.***

I am still thoroughly pissed that the fuckwad was re elected. I still can't figure out why intelligent people would vote for him. (I got into trouble for saying that I thought voting for shrubya was stupid. I still do....but becasue I think someone does something stupid...does not mean I think they are stupid. ) Honestly. I don't understand why anyone would vote for him. I really wish someone would give me a good reason. One I could accept.
I hear the "pro life" argument. I guess I am feeling really old. I have seen too much. I have seen abandoned kids......abused kids. Are they better off having been born? Is the 2 year who died after her mother dropped her in the water off the Vallejo pier better off for having lived for 2 short years....in the ghetto, with a drug abuser for a mother? What about the 3 month old baby who was shaken to death by its father?

True confession time.....that is what this is for, right?

When I first found out I was pregnant with Joseph....I seriously thought about aborting him. Seriously. I talked to a person at the clinic and everything. I had a 16 year old son! What the hell was I doing having a child at 35???? Needless to say, he was a complete surprise:/

Now, people (right to lifers) will say to me...."but look what you would have missed out on!"
I would have missed nothing. What, you say?

I adore Joseph. Adore him. He is the light of my life. I love him so much it hurts sometimes. He makes me laugh on a daily basis...he has the best sense of humor. He is brilliant. He learns things in a day that would take me weeks to learn (if ever). He has taught himself to play the guitar. He plays so well in less than a year....people are amazed. The guys in the band are so impressed with his playing. He is good and kind and sensitive and loving and funny and honest. He can carry on a conversation with anyone....from a 2 year old to an 85 year old.

But.....if I had aborted him, I wouldn't know any of that. Knowing that, I am so glad I made the decision to carry on with the pregnancy. BUT......if I had ended the pregnancy, I wouldn't know any of it.....therefore I wouldn't miss it. I don't know if I explained it well....but it makes sense to me, at least. I know I am rambling;)

Ok, enough election crap:/

I was carless today. The truck is acting up so Chris took the Volvo to work. It is amazing what I get done around the house when I have no wheels. He's taking the car tomorrow as well. The house should be spotless by the end of the day;-)

We had a meeting at Jo's tonight. It is so nice to be able to walk around the corner for a meeting. We had to be fingerprinted...since we volunteer around kids. My fingers are still stained;)
We are planning another night out for the adult leaders....dinner in San Francisco on Saturday was wonderful:-)

I am hoping to get everyone to go see the guys if they play in Sacramento.......

Don't sweat the petty things....and don't pet the sweaty things;/

I was told today by someone on the forums that I am being petty. "Your pettiness and insults lower any message you may have had. If you want change it has to start with yourself and thus far you are not convincing me or any other Bush supporters that we made any sort of mistake. "

I had posted that something to the effect that I thought the American people were smarter than that....smart enough to see through all the BUshit. (of course I didn't sayBUshit....that wouldn't be nice.....and gawd knows I always try to be nice.....) And that I was disappointed and disgusted...and scared.

I was also told that my 'attitude was beneath me'

What the fuckever:/ This woman has not begun to see my 'attitude', lol......and she won't. She's not worth it. I guess I am not allowed to say what I think of the election. *shrug*

I have seen some gloating and a lot of self righteousness coming from the Bushies. (But we "losers" are whining?):/ One person even made mention that maybe the Dems needed a candidate with good morals (?) WTF does that mean? She made it sound as if Dems have no morals. Hoo boy. What I wanted to say to her then!

I was actually nicer than I wanted to be ;/

DAMMIT!!!!!


I am fucking sick and disgusted at the fucking people of America. The fucking son of a bitch has been reelected:/ What the HELL were these people thinking? I can't fucking believe it.


I am scared for our country. What is going to happen in the next 4 years? How many MORE rights will we have taken away? I am scared for Joseph. What kind of a world will it be for him?

I am so glad I don't have a daughter. With Judge Rehnquist sick......if he retires, shrub will put in a reactionary judge, and Roe v Wade will be overturned. It won't stop abortions.....but it will stop safe and legal ones:( Back alley abortions will again be the thing.

I am so thankful I live in California. Maybe the west coast & the northeast should secede & form our own country. We could be the United States. Let the friggin idiots in the midwest & south have their own shrub loving country (or theocracy......which is the way we're heading anyway...) Maybe they can call it Sheepleville. Who fucking cares anyway.

Is it too early to look for an impeach Bush site?


I am depressed...........very depressed. And scared shitless.

We're in Tahoe, and it is COLD.

We're at the library......Joseph is doing his schoolwork, and I am playing on the computer;)
When we get back to the room (Horizon....with an awesome view of the lake) I am planning on making more of my ornaments for the Christmas SWAP.

The show last night was good....but a very small audience. The people there were loud though;) Tonight is closing night....I hope there is a good crowd. Joseph and I have to over early. JB told him to bring his guitar over so he can 'fix' it for him. Its something to do with customizing the fit...making the neck better and the strings. hell, I don't know what he's going to do;/ AllI know is I will bring a book along to read, lol.

Sunday was World Youth Day.

I spent it with about 400 kids from 5 different youth groups at a 'praise' rally at St Patricks High School. It was raucous, funny, powerful and touching. The theme of the rally was social justice.....something close to my heart. Each youth group had to do a skit. Our kids did really well, I thought. They showed a video....the "What's Going On" one with Bono, Christina Aguilera, and a bunch of other singers.....powerful. After that, they did a skit with a 'teacher' and 'students' who did 'reports' on different things that have happened....the Holocaust, the Civil Rights movement , and Columbine. At the end, they played another video, Michael Jackson's Heal the World. (I thought it ironic that they used a Michael Jackson song....perverted bastard) They were all on stage singing along with it, and everyone in the audience stood and sang along....holding hands.

There was a speaker by the name of Paul Flores. He was awesome! He connected so well with the kids, and spoke the truth, lol. He makes observations....observations that are dead on. He was also funny as hell;) I guess he is also going to speak at the L.A. convention in February. That should be very cool.

The singer they had was great too. During the first break, instead of going outside for a snack, Joseph and Derek both ended up talking to him (and he let them play his guitars) In fact, Joseph ended up going out and bringing his guitar from the car, and before the end of the next break, he was onstage with Trevor, singing;-)


Chris took Monday off. We went down to IKEA. I bought a great shelf for all the record albums. I knew I could find one at IKEA, lol. I also found a chair I want for the family room....but I didn't get it then. Chris will have to take the truck down and get it.

Today Joseph and I are going back up to Tahoe for the last 2 nights of the run there. At least the weather is cooperating this time! I am going to take my ornaments along and work on them tomorrow while Joseph is doing his school work. It will be a perfect time to do it:)

Going away in the middle of the week messes me up. Today feels like Monday. It was errand day.....I went to Target to pick up printer cartridges.......$80 later, I left. Its those dang dollar bins that get me every time;-)

I did 5 loads of laundry, cleaned and mopped both bathrooms, then went through magazines to thin them out.

The only reason I know it is Friday is that as soon as Chris gets home, we're off to Round Table for pizza and beer. He will be happy when he sees what I bought at Target (for a dollar, no less)....Night Of The Living Dead. The original.

He can watch it Sunday while Joseph and I are gone;)


Off to check the tv listings........is Monk on tonight?

Its JUST an online community....why am I hurt?

A private forum....sorry, but nonetheless, someone made me cry tonight :*( One person asked me if I had a good time in Tahoe and Oregon....and said they wished they got around as much as I do. I took it to mean ...travelled...but some one else said (jokingly) why don't you just call her a ho. I should have realized she was joking, but when someone says that.....damn. I keep wondering, does she mean it? Does she really think (even subconciously) I am a *ho*? Yeah, I do go a lot. I am damn lucky that I can. I know that. Chris makes good money....I homeschool Joseph and we can take off at the drop of a hat. Schoolbooks travel well, and he can do math anywhere;)

I am also very good friends with 5 men. I have posted about those men.....my friends. I have known them for almost 18 years...they are all part of my life. A platonic part of my life. I have been married for 30 years, and am faithful.
I happen to enjoy being friends with men. They aren't as catty and bitchy as women can be. They are real.

I am so fucking frustrated. I made the mistake of saying something (in response) about 'travelling being better than bitching about my life and my sick kids.' That was in regards to someone who does exactly that. All the time. Those person does nothing but complain about one of her kids having a cold, or a runny (or stuffy) nose, and how she has to take them to the doctor. What I want to do is slap her upside her head and tell her to STOP. But I don't. Well, one time I did try and gently tell her that maybe she was too much of worrier. That went over like a lead balloon though, so I have given up. I usually ignore her. We are just too different.

Anyway, I shouldn't have lashed out at her because someone hurt my feelings. That was wrong, and I am sorry I did it.


IMA HO, PT II

Might as well, lol......just wish I was having the fun such a title implied;-)

Tahoe was fun, but the drive up was hell.

We left Tuesday afternoon.....and had to drive up highway 80, as 50 was closed due to mudslides. It took 6 hours to get from my house to Truckee......a trip that normally takes 2 hours. Here in the valley, it was flooding and high winds, and in the mountains it was snow....and chains. By the time we got to Truckee.....it was almost dark. I drove along Highway 89....and there were no 'chain monkeys' to take the cables off the tires. Yes, I am a flatlander, and I have no freaking idea how to take them off.

We got to the 7-11 by Squaw Valley, and I pulled in the parkng lot to attempt to remove them. (It wasn't snowing then....) We got one partof each cable undone, but couldn't reach the other part. Luckily, a Good Samaritan came out and helped us unfasten one....but the other one got stuck and wrapped around the axle (do NOT ask me how that happened) I ended up having to call AAA to come and fix it. By the time AAA got there and unhooked it......it started to snow again.

We bravely decided to continue on our way to Tahoe....it was only a 45 minute to an hour drive.....I could still make it for the end of the show, and to sell merchandise. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had different ideas. The snow came down harder...and harder. I couldn't freaking SEE. I don't know how people drive at night in the snow:/

We decided to turn around and head back to Truckee for the night. What a freaking harrowing drive. I had Joseph roll down his wondow andhelp me navigate the road. I was terrified I would skid off the road onto either an embankement or the river. Luckily, the Holiday Inn had rooms when we got there. After a dinner of chips/candy bars and sodas from the hotel machines, first Joseph, than I took a hot bath to thaw out our wet feet and bodies. I called Chris to tell him we were in Truckee instead of Tahoe, and had to listen to him tell me 'I should have left earlier, I should have gone a different way, I should have....blah blah blah.' Not what I needed to hear. By the time we made it back to Truckee,I was shaking like a leaf.

We got up yesterday morning, and it was still snowing......but the road was plowed, and we headed off to Tahoe via Reno.

The show last night was lots of fun.....we spent some time with the guys at sound check....and everyone was worried because we hadn't shown up on Tuesday. Its nice to know someone cares.