Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Today's Special :Guilt

Chris had his (phone) interview with the guy from Ponca City. He is perfect for the job. Exactly what and who they want. He comes highly recommended, etc. He isn't getting the job though...because he won't relocate. In actuality, I won't relocate. No matter that he would be travelling over half the time, and he could really do that from here. They want him based in Ponca City.....and I am such a spoiled baby I won't move. Joseph doesn't want to go either, but I am SO feeling like I am fucking things up. What do I do? I honestly don't think I could live there. I mean live. As in survive. No matter. I feel like i am holding him back.

Then...I turned my cell off yesterday for class, and forgot to turn it on until today. When I turned it on, there were 3 voice mails from Casey begging me to call her. She was having an emergency. She was in tears. I wasn't available. When I finally connected with her today, she told me that she had such a panic attack she had to call an ambulance and go to the hospital. Steve is out of town, and I am who she relies on when he is gone. She is at her brothers right now. She has been diagnosed with acute panic disorder and post traumatic stress. (She was in a horrible car accident in December) I feel so awful for not having my phone on when she needed me :*(

I hate guilt.


Pez said...

Big {{hugs}} to you, Shelly. Please do not feel guilty. I don't think many people could survive a move to Ponca City. And if Chris *really, really* wanted the job, he tell you and convince you to move, right?

And I am sorry about Casey. Don't feel guilty about leaving your phone off. You are only human and I am sure you have been there for her most of the time. I will say a prayer for her pain and anxiety. And for you to release the guilt.

Anand said...

I just clicked next blog from my blog,
it was yours, read your latest posting.

Guilt feeling is inborn in human, can you guess how many time you felt guilty in your life. And later on you will feel petty on you to feel guilt for all those small things. you dont need to feel guilty. Be cool.

And your husbends job, this is not the last job in US. He should be a smart guy to get enough jobs.

Better buy a Mobile phone! :)

The Vichy said...

I feel your guilt. We're back in this town because *I* wanted to move back. Hubby is miserable (although he does admit it has its perks - grandparents nearby, for one).

(((Shelly))) Because you looked like you could use one. ;)